She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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