I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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