dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
