I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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