he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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