i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
