worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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