we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
