Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
