why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
