why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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