Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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