It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize