Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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