from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's the barista slut.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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