I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
