I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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