I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
