dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
