You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
