you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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