I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
