I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
