I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
