I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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