So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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