So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
