The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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