think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
