i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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