ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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