Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
