I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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