Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
