This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
