Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wear drunk well.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
