You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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