Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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