my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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