and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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