Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
