remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
