Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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