I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My ass is underappreciated
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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