dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize