Someone shit on the floor
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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