Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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