For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
