well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
