I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
