worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
