I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like, not good at living.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
