In the future we'll all be gay
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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