I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
