I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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