Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
