Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
