i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
