Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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