i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
