New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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