Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
