your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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