when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize