glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
