Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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