we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
