I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
