Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
