why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
