I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
