It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
