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My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
