just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
