I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
