So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
